Are You a Helper, Too?

Many of the folks we see are natural helpers themselves. They’re the ones always there for others – maybe they’re moms and dads, running their own businesses, or working as nurses or doctors. They’ve got a big heart and are always ready to lend a hand. 

Sometimes Trying to Help Can Backfire

But here’s the thing – sometimes, being a super helper can actually backfire. Ever notice how the harder you try to help someone, the more they seem to pull away? It’s like trying to catch a slippery fish – the more you chase it, the faster it swims away!

I’ll give you an example: The other night, my teenage son was struggling with one of his teachers. I knew if he reached out to the teacher in a specific way, it would be easily resolved, but my son wasn’t interested in my thoughts on the matter. The more I tried to help; the more irritated he became with me. What started out as me feeling compassion for him and wanting to help turned into a bit of mess.

If You Want to Really Help, Self-Awareness is Key

So, what’s the secret to navigating this tricky terrain? Well, it starts with a little self-reflection. When I find myself in situations where my helper instincts are on overdrive, I’ve learned to take a step back and ask myself: What’s driving this need to help? Where does it stem from in my own life experiences?

Continuing with the example involving my son, I realized after some reflection that I was looking for a little dopamine bump at that moment. It had been a day of frustration in other areas where I wasn’t able to figure something out with my business that should have been simple. So, then here was this easy-for-me problem to solve in my son and I was tuned up and ready to fix something simple. Problem was, it wasn’t actually helpful for him at that moment. Without realizing it, I was turning it into something about me instead of actually being tuned into helping him.

Taking this moment to check in with myself (as long as I do it with understanding and self-compassion) allows me to settle my own emotions and approach the situation with a clearer perspective. It’s about finding that balance between compassion and curiosity, understanding that sometimes our efforts to help may inadvertently hinder the process.

Helping Might Look Like Not Doing Anything

So, how do we avoid this? Well, it starts with taking a step back and checking in with ourselves.

Next time you feel that urge to dive in and save the day, ask yourself: “Why am I doing this?” Maybe it’s because you’ve been in their shoes before and know how tough it can be. Or maybe it’s because helping others makes you feel good about yourself.

Understanding where this urge comes from is key. It’s like putting on your detective hat and figuring out the mystery behind your actions.

Once you get a handle on that, you can approach helping others with a new perspective. Instead of swooping in like a superhero, you can take a step back and let them take the lead. You’re there to support and guide, not to take over.

It may sound counterintuitive, but by dialing back our urge to fix everything, we create space for genuine connection and growth. It’s like planting seeds of understanding and watching them bloom into moments of profound insight.

Being Present Can Be The Best Help

And you know what? It might feel a bit strange at first, like you’re not doing enough. But trust me, it’s worth it. Because when you give people the space to figure things out on their own, that’s when the real breakthroughs happen.

I’ve seen it time and time again – those moments where I resist the urge to jump in and fix everything are often the ones where my clients have their biggest “aha” moments. It’s like a light bulb goes off in their head, and suddenly everything clicks into place.

But it’s not just about the therapy room – this stuff works in real life too. I’ve had clients tell me that the lessons they’ve learned in our sessions have helped them connect better with their kids or brought them closer to their partners. It’s like a ripple effect of kindness spreading out into the world.

Now To Practice…

So, here’s my challenge to you: next time you feel that urge to swoop in and save the day, take a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself where that urge is coming from and see if there’s a different way you can show up for the people you care about.

Until next time, keep spreading those good vibes and remember – sometimes the best way to help is to simply be there, no cape required. Now, go out there and spread a little good in the world today. 😊

And hey, if you’re feeling up to it, drop me a line and let me know how it goes! I’d love to hear your stories of finding that balance between helping and overdoing it.

If you are are interested in learning more about how EMDR therapy can work for you or a loved one, reach out to us…we are here to help.

Our team of caring therapists are ready to help you on your healing journey. Our highly skilled clinicians will welcome you with warmth and understanding. To start therapy with Hope For the Journey, please follow these simple steps:

1. Contact Hope for the Journey
2. Meet with acaring therapist
3. Begin to Feel, Heal & Thrive!

Other Services Offered At Hope For The Journey

Our team is happy to offer a number of services from our Round Rock and Austin therapy offices. Mental health services include therapy for anxiety and depression, domestic violence, sexual assault, PTSD, and EMDR. Our team also provides support for family members of all ages with counseling for teens and young adults, children and tweens, couples, men, and parents/partners. Contact us today to learn more about our team and community involvement!

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